there’s an uncanny valley for both with different thresholds for each. broadly speaking if they see you as functionally one of their own or as different enough not to threaten their standing you’re in the clear but the middle ground is a no man’s land (and no woman’s land either)
is it crazy of me to say that i think the average cis woman is more transphobic than the average cis man
Sep 25, 2026 · 8:09 PM UTC
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сis girls love a shy clocky babytrans they can treat as a sensitive effeminate guy friend and kinda look down upon, and if you fully pass they may just forget you’re trans at all. the danger zone is if they feel like they’re in competition with you or if you don’t know your place
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if you’re too pretty or confident without passing, they can’t hold themselves above you for being сis and they feel threatened. if you’re assertive or refuse to conform to certain restrictive aspects of femininity, you aren’t paying your dues and it’s unfair to the girls who have
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with dudes, the first litmus test really is the moment you come out. they’re a lot more likely to distance themselves right off the bat for fear of seeming gay. the ones who stay will likely think they’re being kind by continuing to treat you as one of the guys, until they can’t.
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if you’re a lesbian or comfortable with certain elements of traditional masculinity, and especially if your hobbies are sports, gaming, and things of that sort, you’ll probably fare better until you get hot and they get confused, because they’re not gay but their bro is sexy now.
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if they can’t square that circle you’re gone. if they can but you don’t reciprocate, now you’re getting sеxually harassed. in both cases they may react violently towards you just for having made them feel this way in the first place. this honestly remains true even if you do pass
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the saving grace is the type of guy who knows how to just be friends with women and knows how to respect boundaries and keep his feelings in check. to him as long as you’re a good hang nothing else really matters. same goes for confident women who have any basic feminist instinct
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men do also have a jealousy thing but instead of attractiveness it’s competence. as you start to pass or present more feminine, it becomes more difficult for some men’s egos to accept it if you’re better at something than them or know something they don’t; it can be emasculating.
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paradoxically, they shield themselves from their insecurities of being bested by a woman by denying you credit and attributing all your strengths to you being “male,” even though if you were a guy they woulf feel no need to do this and would simply acknowledge you on your merits.
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women also have a thing with attractiveness where they may be into you when you still look like a guy and feel weird when they start being able to see you as a girl. but also if either group finds you too unattractive in early transition they’ll be embarrassed to be seen with you
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and insecurity turns everyone off. so basically you need to be hot and passing enough to be seen with and confident and competent enough to keep up socially but not enough of any of those things to step on anyone’s toes or overshadow them or accidentally make them want you, okay?
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the real answer is honestly just that secure and emotionally intelligent сis people are as safe as they are rare. people who can handle awkward social situations with grace and aren’t too terribly concerned with what other people think of them are the ones you can generally trust
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people who are comfortable being rejected or feeling unrequited attraction, people who can be judged and not let it get to them, people who don’t need to be the center of attention but don’t mind if someone stares, people who can admit when they’re wrong, can lose fair and square
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